" I " that's just what I was. I was all about myself, all that matters to me was me and my dreams. My work, ambitions ,my likes ,my dislikes, my choices, my priorities and my people, people that I considered who belong to me, people who promised me to stay by my side and some stories I built with them, this is all about me .Correction that's all I was , because today I am not anything that I mentioned earlier. Wondering what changed me?"He" changed me ,or maybe I should say that I changed for him, and since then I never hoped for anything more. After the loss of my dream ,with a blow with it broke a lot of thing which till then were very precious to me, I still never thought of giving up so I choose to earn my dream once again and hence I went there ,to the place that thought me the true meaning of life ,love and the power of innocence.
That was a fine winter morning according to my
memory of it, somewhere in July I guess and the place I went? Let me be frank I
don't remember, maybe because that's not important enough then. I was on the
third floor of an isolated building in a school yet divided from its atmosphere
,that I assume was just built by then, I entered the class with about 60 students
who were meant to be my sub-juniors ,and surprisingly my eyes stopped at only
one of them. Right next to the window wearing a blue and white uniform which
did not belong to that place ,he was sitting like about a 15 feet away from
where I was standing. I don't know even today what happened to me that day ,I
am still trying to figure out on it, but I could tell you one thing that it was
magical. Everything and everyone else in the room were on mute mode to my heart
and my eyes were still stuck at him while he was still unaware of my presence
.He was so lost in the world outside the window that he didn't realize anything
around, not even his lunch box being stolen. He was staring out as if the only
wish he had in life was to reach out and grab hold the sun in his bare palms.
While he was busy weaving dreams in day light ,his innocent looks were
interrupted by the winds that were trying to dry all the area that were earlier
spooked wet by the monsoon rains and in the same attempt they injected themselves
into the room probably to dry his eyes .
The gust of wind blew away the dew like drops hanging to his long eye lashes and this disturbed his eyes , forcing him to turn his head ,and he turned to look at me as if he had heard my heart beat and that moment my world stopped ,as if I was hypothesized ,I couldn't feel the world around me anymore ,or maybe I just ignored it because the world made no sense to me anymore . Today I am few years away from those moments and yet like it just happened I can still see those happen right before my eyes a hundred times every day, just like in films my mind shows me glimpses of that day in slow motion .I miss him a lot ,I miss all those moments but like they say love makes people helpless and so it did .I don't have any complains anymore ,not on life ,not on him ,not on love and not on hope. Today I have only questions , questions which are so beautiful I don't want to disturb them by answering, questions that themselves answer every doubt in my heart .Doubts that erased a" I " from every sentence and tough me to use " us" .I don't know where he is today ,I don't know why I was there then ,but I know one thing ,what we had between us was beautiful .those days when I would wake up to see the sun only because I wanted to see his innocent eyes again and hear his childish voice that I forgot was once mine too. Days when I apologized to a mistake I never did only so I could talk to him again. Days when I had no shame in telling people that I felt something beyond friends for someone a few years younger to me, days when I wasn’t scared to express feelings ,and days when I did not wait for the answer .days which explained me that sometimes what we feel can’t be denied only because it is practically impossible. I remember him asking me once" what is love at first sight" and somehow I wanted to tell him that he could search for the answer in my eyes and if he could see himself then he knows the answer .I don't wish for anything today but just a moment more with him ,but not for love sake but for life sake .I don't know why my story sounds like failure to people. I believe that the moment I started to love him I got success . Because if putting someone before your self is love ,then I did it on the first day and I still do. Some called my story “unanswered questions" maybe they are right because these questions don't need answers. When we were together we had no time to answer these questions ,now that we are not we don't need the answers. These beautiful unanswered questions complete the most complex answers of my life .I have nothing to say any more except that I loved us and I still do.and we shall always meet in those beautiful questions.
The gust of wind blew away the dew like drops hanging to his long eye lashes and this disturbed his eyes , forcing him to turn his head ,and he turned to look at me as if he had heard my heart beat and that moment my world stopped ,as if I was hypothesized ,I couldn't feel the world around me anymore ,or maybe I just ignored it because the world made no sense to me anymore . Today I am few years away from those moments and yet like it just happened I can still see those happen right before my eyes a hundred times every day, just like in films my mind shows me glimpses of that day in slow motion .I miss him a lot ,I miss all those moments but like they say love makes people helpless and so it did .I don't have any complains anymore ,not on life ,not on him ,not on love and not on hope. Today I have only questions , questions which are so beautiful I don't want to disturb them by answering, questions that themselves answer every doubt in my heart .Doubts that erased a" I " from every sentence and tough me to use " us" .I don't know where he is today ,I don't know why I was there then ,but I know one thing ,what we had between us was beautiful .those days when I would wake up to see the sun only because I wanted to see his innocent eyes again and hear his childish voice that I forgot was once mine too. Days when I apologized to a mistake I never did only so I could talk to him again. Days when I had no shame in telling people that I felt something beyond friends for someone a few years younger to me, days when I wasn’t scared to express feelings ,and days when I did not wait for the answer .days which explained me that sometimes what we feel can’t be denied only because it is practically impossible. I remember him asking me once" what is love at first sight" and somehow I wanted to tell him that he could search for the answer in my eyes and if he could see himself then he knows the answer .I don't wish for anything today but just a moment more with him ,but not for love sake but for life sake .I don't know why my story sounds like failure to people. I believe that the moment I started to love him I got success . Because if putting someone before your self is love ,then I did it on the first day and I still do. Some called my story “unanswered questions" maybe they are right because these questions don't need answers. When we were together we had no time to answer these questions ,now that we are not we don't need the answers. These beautiful unanswered questions complete the most complex answers of my life .I have nothing to say any more except that I loved us and I still do.and we shall always meet in those beautiful questions.
Amulya…
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